me inside

by Miha Kgooj
(Nova gorica, Slovenija)

At the start it was fine
Everything ok, didn't care much about the other
Then the things started to change
I started to feel the love
Going true me to her
But it wasnt the same for her
She didn't felt the same
She do't have that feeling yet
And don't know if she will ever have

At the start i tried to be strong
To be a different person
But inside i knew who am i
What do i feel
And what do i fear
And knew that i will be always the same
It was so relasing be a normal person
But i coudn't hide myself for to much time
And then i started to be the same as always

I wanted to stay near her
She wanted her space
Wanted to help her
She said leave me alone
''Did i do something wrong''
''Just leave me alone, i need my space''
''but i want to stay with you''
''no, not now''

The things go ahead
And the distance grew
I felt bad inside
But she was fine
Everytime we did, was that what she wanted
Don't caring about me
And when i said something
She was mad at me
I was so stressed, i started to run
I always had that fear inside that i will screw up
So i did everything for her
But i was destroing me inside
Firstly didn't cared about myself
But now i feel the pain
And started to care again

I don't want this
I don't want to suffer more
I suffered to much in my life
And now i am sick inside
I attach to fast
I think to much and then suffer so fast
Because i care about everyone
But noone care about me
What i do, what i feel
What if feels like to be me!

I see her online but she don't reply
She prefer to be with others or alone
Beacause thats what she like
She don't care what i want
The important is that she is happy
Even if i suffer
But i am accustumed to suffer so it's ok
I don't think this will change
All my life is the same and i go ahead with the pain
Inside me!

I always cared to much about others
BUT AT WHAT COST?
They are all hapy now
But loook at me
Noone did
They said suffer now, i will be better with time
But when!?
All the time is the same
I wait the moment that that will change
But i never came
And never will
Because i am assignet to suffer

I remembered what i did and feel for her
But maybe now the thing will change
I did everythign that was possible or inpossibe for her
But she did just what was on the road
So was it worth it to do it
What did it change
She was happy, but I?

Now i don't know what to do
Should I still do everything for her
Or shoud i change that
Star carrying about me
Not just her, because i count to.
But maybe this will change the feels betwen us
This is bad, or isn't it
Maybe is better to stop it
But i love her and don't know what to do

Help me please, to get away from myself
Let the pain and fear away.
I am trapped in this cage and can't get away
I want to move but i cant
I feel you outside the cage
You can help me
But only if u want to!
So what you gonna do now?!

I want to tell her what i think and what i feel inside
Why i did those things.
Becase i am like this
And alone i don't knwo how to help myself
Hope she will understand and help me
Or the pain will consume my soul again.

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